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Let me start by saying I am sorry. And Campbell I know you guys would never try to single me out or do anything malicious towards me. The problem is it tends to happen anyway and that is almost just as bad for me. The idea that I am that last person, that forgotten person. I would rather you guys hate me and shut me out on purpose, at least then I would know someone was thinking of me even if it was in a bad way.

I also know that this has A LOT more to do with me then you guys. And it isn't even just you guys either and that is what makes it worse. I have had people I used to work with completely ignore "friend" request on facebook or any other kinds of communications from me and I have no idea as to why. While I still worked at the Tribune there were a few people I used to hang out with all the time at work and joke around with. When all the changes happened 2 years ago and I moved my desk they never came over to say a word to me. I tried to stay in touch with them by going over to their desk or emailing them only to get nothing in return. Just last weekend I had a "friend" get ready to walk right past me and my family while entering the mall until I said hi to her. Even then I could tell she didn't want to be there. And that only scratches the surface of it.

All my life I had to deal with this. You would think I would be used to it by now.

I see how all you guys are. How you hang out all the time, or at least when you get a chance to. I can see it when Roman, Will and David go to Chris' house and they all get along so well with his mom and dad and sister. I see it when everyone is together at the meetings. I go and pray that maybe one day I won't feel like an outsider but it never happens. Sure I joke around and have some good laughs along with everyone else but it doesn't last. I act the way I do, sometimes a little too much so, because I try to get peoples attention. Not because I am some kind of attention hound, contrary to what you might be thinking because of this post, but because I am hoping that maybe I would be able to connect with someone.

You know while we were driving up to the last meeting at the comic shop I asked Chris and Roman what SW stuff they got for Christmas. They went on about how Roman only got something SW from Chris and Chris told me about what Courtney had gotten him. They enjoyed talking about it, so much so that they didn't even ask about me. They just kept up their conversation as if I wasn't there anymore.

You guys have no idea what it is like to have no friends. Someone who you can hang out with or even just talk to on a regular basis online or something. Someone you can talk SW with of Transformers with or anything with. My wife hates my collecting habits regardless of what she says. So after all the cool things that came out this week during Toy Fair I get to talk to no one about them. I have had to deal with this for the better part of my life. It's time like these that make me realize that it IS me more then anyone else.

I always wondered why I so enjoy watching TV with my girls, or more to the point watching their TV shows. Hannah Montana, iCarly, Kim Possible and many more. In these shows you have a group of friends that would do anything for the other no matter what and I want that so very much. You guys can't possibly understand. And in that lays the problem...you can't understand. No one ever has and it is doubtful no one ever will.

Oh and Campbell not everyone, myself included, reads the forums or at least every forum post. And to get an invite two days prior...that is why I was irked about it.


Again my apologies for making such a big deal over this. For that I truly am sorry. I am sorry to anyone who actually read my rant as well.